His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
