I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
