remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
