She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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