my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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