I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
