Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
