plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
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