I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
