You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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