Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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