I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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