Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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