I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
