His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Someone came in the potted fern
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
