I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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