see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
