take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
