I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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