just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
