Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
