Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
