The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
