Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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