that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
