You can't motorboat a personality
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
