Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
