So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
