The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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