Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
