I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
