Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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