note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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