Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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