i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
