so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
