The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
