I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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