i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
They have beer where we have blood.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
