is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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