i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
