GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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