I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
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