some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Church boner. Awkwardddd
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
