Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
