I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
