if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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