he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
