found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Who put my cat in the fridge?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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