I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
