hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
