Are we in a gay sports bar?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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