The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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