I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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