I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
