girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
