Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
