I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
