Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Rumble strips road head = magical
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
