Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
