i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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