He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
