After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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