proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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