I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
