Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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