I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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